I got an email and a letter from the school district today that almost had me in a full blown panic attack. Luckily, I was home alone and was able to shrug it off before it got too bad. At about the same time, I'm texting with my mom and she's asking about my finances, which doesn't help. How am I supposed to be making these big, life altering decisions when I can't think straight? That in and of itself makes me unnerved. My FLMA leave runs out and I'm supposed to return to work on March 16. I need to let school that I am not going to be returning. I'm also supposed to be getting my last full paycheck on March 15 for all of the paid time I've worked until I went on leave in January. I have no idea how much money that will be. So I've got to work in my disability paperwork and see what that's going to pay and for how long. Then, I guess I need to look at my long-term disability options. I've never had to do anything like this before and don't really know who to talk to about all of this. I wish I knew someone that could help me figure it all out. So in the meantime, I want to bury my head in the sand and sleep until...whatever. I just hate to even think about it. And to try to make a phone call or decision about any of this just makes my head spin.
My thoughts are still finding their way to include Jeremy, too. Why can I not let him go and forget about him? I know he's no good for me and yet, I still wonder what he's up to, etc. Ugh! Just one more thing that's wrong with me, in addition to insomnia, as it is 1:30 am and I'm awake. I've slept most of the day, like I have since I started this new medicine. Whatever! I'll take something to help me sleep and will do it all over again tomorrow. Yay!
