Replacement

So I tried taking the Prozac at night and the Wellbutrin in the morning.  The anxiety I had earlier in the week has been replaced with depression.  It may be the meds, but I'm not so sure.  Being away from work has taken that stress away.  In its place is the fear of what lies ahead...finding a new job, paying the bills, trying to be "normal". I'm supposed to go to something for church tonight, but I don't want to go.  The only reason why I'd see me leaving the house tonight is to maybe go see Julie and the kids.  I finally felt motivated to look and apply for some jobs yesterday.  Disappointing is how I would describe it.  I really need to get my taxes done because the refund money would be helpful right about now.  I just don't trust myself to do them right now.  This funk....I hate it.  And how do I get past it?  I still haven't heard from the psychiatrist's office with an appointment. So what do I do with my time while I'm out of work? The funny thing is that I slept a lot earlier this week, but I have't slept that much (extra) or really felt the urge to.  I just feel blah.  All I've done is watch five seasons of CSI:New York.  I'm almost finished with the last season and wonder what I'm going to watch next.  Netflix has been nothing but trouble for me this week.  I have so many things I could be doing, but I've only left my bed to pee, get food from the kitchen or when I left on Wednesday.  My only motivation there was knowing that I was going to see Tracy and hoping that she'd have some answers to my problem.  Why I was expecting so much from her? No clue.  But then again, my rational thinking hasn't been so keen here lately.  I'm sure Julie will try to come up with something to do to include me in on tomorrow.  And there's church on Sunday.  The thought of that is a little unsettling.  Not exactly sure why.  I guess I don't want people to see me like this.  The weight loss and not having clothes to fit me or that accentuate my weight loss is proving to be difficult for me.  The worry that my close friends and family have had about me have only gotten worse and that bothers me.  If only they knew how little I've done this week, they'd be even more upset. Or that walking to the mailbox and back had me winded. Or how often I've gotten out of bed and been dizzy and light-headed.  Heck, last night I was dizzy just sitting in bed.  I just feel broken and have no clue on how or what it's going to take to "fix" me.