Skeptical

To:  Robin

So here's a new hurdle for us to deal with when next we speak.  I didn't say it and maybe you did or didn't notice it, but I'm a little skeptical about my healing. And here's why.  Simply put, all of the prayers that went up for my cousin's healing, were acknowledged but no miracle of healing came.  I'm still very hurt about losing her.  I even prayed to God that he would take me instead of her, give me the cancer so that she could see her children grow into adults and for her and her husband to live to be old and gray together.  I know that God had a different plan for all of us by taking Doris home to be with him, but I'm also not convinced that a healing miracle is meant for me either.  It may seem silly or illogical, but I think it's been the main cause of why I've been having a hard time trusting God the last few months.  I didn't realize it until I talked with my dad tonight.  He asked me to come to a healing service at his church where supposedly I can be prayed upon and all of my ailments (and strongholds) will disappear in an instant.  I told him that I thought it would take more time and work for that to happen.  Somehow the discussion led to my feelings of hurt and anger towards God for taking Doris home so soon and here we are.  I couldn't put my finger on it today, and again you may or may not have sensed my hesitation on being healed from all that ails me.  I also believe that God can use an illness as part of your testimony, so healing may not come for that reason. Again, why I'm hesitant. But I hope your discernment is working better than mine and all will be healed.  First, I've got to learn to trust God again, completely. I'm not sure what I'm going to have to do to make that happen. I want to but can't completely.  Things to think on and pray on until we meet again.  As always, thanks for listening and working with me.  I'm an owner at NewSpring because of Doris. I hope to be a better owner and take my Next Steps because of you.

Much love and gratitude,

Jennifer

From Robin:

Hi Jennifer!  First of all I am very proud of you for being proactive!  I knew that this was a struggle for you, I was just waiting on you to reach the point of recognition.  Now we can continue to move forward.

I am not saying that God will heal you, only that he can.  You just need to realize that he kept you here for a reason.  Instead of stressing over your cousin's death, and her not being healed, or even being angry and broken about that, do something to honor her.  Like be there for her  children.  Do something to honor her name.  Volunteer and help raise money for cancer research, or something that will help you feel you are making a difference.  

You need to understand that God does not cause things like cancer.  We live in sin,  a world of germs and a chemical ridden world.  Things like viruses, germs, chemicals, etc., that causes illnesses and diseases.  I too became angry at God when Kiresten was diagnosed with Diabetes, and for three years fought to keep her out of hospitals, preventing seizures, coma's, dehydration, just so she wouldn't die from those complications.  It is very hard to watch a 5,6,7,or 8 year old struggle to stay awake, vomit from High blood sugars and space out from lows, all while crying tears of frustration at the disease, begging me not give her another shot.  It is very hard to go through these kinds of things and not get upset with God.  The great thing is......He understands!  He has grace and loves us through that.  He knows you are hurting and that you are angry.  The great part is, he wants to be the Dad that is here for you when your earthly Dad can't or want.  He is there to hold you, comfort you, heal your heart and help you move forward.  He may not heal you 100% of your sickness and he might heal you 100%.  If he doesn't, He will at least give you clear direction, comfort, and heal many of your symptoms. He will help you pull down your Strongholds.  If you do not seek Him at all on any of this He does not have the opportunity to show you or heal you.  Just give him a chance, reach out to him.  Seek him with all your heart and mind.  

 I do believe you have a sleep disorder, but I also believe that the enemy has you convinced you can't be well and have a functioning life.  You can and will get to a place where you can drive long distance, hold a job, and be happy.  

Seek God for healing of your emotions, the ability to stay awake, a job, direction on where to live, and peace.  I am going to send you some scriptures to stand on, and some things to start changing your out look.  I love you!  i am praying for you and I know that you can do this!!!! 

Thank you!

Robin Smith